Stress Reduction Techniques

Author: Cleaves M. Bennett MD FACP

Avoidance

Maybe the next technique you might think about is what we call avoidance. It's simple, really. It just means avoiding the unnecessary things that you know are going to get you riled up. Just take a look through your life and see what things you do that tend to upset you, that you really don't need to do—and then don't do them. We all need to be a lot more careful what we let into our eyes and ears. Loud noises, graphic violence, realistic horror, infuriating news stories—do we really need them? What value do they bring to our lives? More importantly, what harm do they bring? These are the questions I urge you to ask yourself every day during these 12 weeks.

I don't read the paper as thoroughly as I used to. My favorite source of news is on National Public Radio. When it's Beethoven's birthday they'll do a story on it, and it's fun. I enjoy it. But even on NPR, when they start talking about the Middle East again, or yet another oil spill I may switch over to some classical music. And let the music calm me down. So I can go off to work.

If you don't learn anything else from this chapter, I want you to get that we human beings are sensitive, all of us. Our machinery is delicate stuff. Oh, you may tell yourself, "Life's tough, but I'm tougher!" But that's simply not true. You may be daring, you may be courageous, you may be self-sacrificing. You may endure hardships and suffering without complaint. But all of your physiologic systems are much more sensitive than you would ever think they are.

A diet of bad news served up on a daily basis is very harmful to us— and I'm speaking medically. Among other things, it raises your blood pressure. And that's true even if you don't think it's true, or don't think much about it at all. Even if you tell your friends, "I read the paper. I watch the six-thirty news. I‘m cool about it." Oh yeah? I’ll bet it’s raising your blood pressure.

Can you feel your blood pressure go up when you read about the violence in the Middle East, or a gang rape, or an airline crash? Or can you feel your gut tighten? Do you know what happens inside your body every time you watch a violent, ugly scene in a movie or on cable TV? You may need to know the news and you may not. But it's worth asking yourself what you don't need, that's always getting you upset. Then not doing it anymore, that’s avoidance.

Play is another excellent stress reduction technique. It's really a good idea to spend an hour or two every week, or even every day, just playing. Doing something you really like to do. I'm not talking about doing something competitive, where you have to best other people. I'm talking about playing in a way that's relaxing, enjoyable, fun, which makes you smile or laugh.

I know that golf can be enjoyable—but it often isn't. I'm always meeting people who are under stress at home and in the office, and what do they do on weekends? They go out and play golf for money—and they get stressed there too. So when I say play, I mean doing something that you're sure will be fun, no matter how it turns out.

I haven't played much golf in years, but I used to play a lot, so I know my way around the course pretty well. When I do play I always resolve to myself that I'm going to have fun no matter how it turns out.

Now I usually play with guys who only have fun if they win—but I try to enjoy myself whether I win or lose. That helps keep down my score, and usually rattles my opponents.

I don't necessarily mean that you have to be playing a sport or a game— a hobby that you really enjoy, that's relaxing and interesting and noncompetitive will do just as well. Just so long as you're spending some hours every week doing something you genuinely enjoy and that isn't stressful.

Baking in a sauna or a hot tub might be your way of relaxing, of giving yourself a treat. Or you could try a massage; whatever. You remember there was a musical a few years back, Stop the World, I Want to Get Off? A hobby, game, or pastime is a way to do that—to get out from under all our usual pressures and frustrations for a bit and take a break.

We all need to do that once in a while—and that's why playing is so very, very important.

A lot of people think that assertiveness means being pushy or demanding or manipulative—selfish or rude in one way or another, But that's not what it means at all. When people talk about assertiveness as a stress reduction technique, they mean telling the world what you need and what you want. I just want some simple, straightforward communication, no more and no less.

Many of us at times are too timid for our own good. And then we may feel so frustrated and terrible that we over react and swing to the opposite extreme. We may swing from being a doormat to being a lion, then back to being a doormat again. We aren't very good doormats, and we certainly aren't very good lions either—and things don't work out too well for us when we behave as if we were.

Assertiveness is really just a matter of being able to communicate your real needs consistently, without those big swings. Because when your real needs aren't being met you tend to become resentful.

If you go to a restaurant and the waiter's rude to you and brings the wrong kind of food, and you don't speak up for yourself, you're going to sit there feeling resentful, causing your blood pressure to rise by the minute. Not to mention the tension in your stomach, and what that all does to your digestion.

But there's got to be a way to communicate your problem and get the whole thing solved. That lets your blood pressure come back down. You need to look after yourself and your blood pressure, by communicating to people what you need and what you want. And it’s best if you do it in a very gracious way, without yelling and screaming and getting angry.

That's what assertiveness training is about. It isn't about being selfish, it's just a matter of good communication.

One of the real problems with stress is that the emergency nervous system isn't turned on only when there's someone right there threatening your peace and security or your life—it can also be turned on just by thinking about unpleasant things. We can just sit there in the office, and think about a lot of little things, and get all steamed up.

When you think about things ahead of time and imagine ways in which they might not work out for the best, that's worry. And when you think about things after they've happened and emphasize the ways in which they didn't work out the way you wanted, that's regret or resentment. Regret is telling yourself how you messed up, and resentment puts the blame on other people. They're equally damaging. Your ability to worry, regret, and resent can turn on the emergency nervous system and get your body ready to fight or run when there's nothing you can do about it at the time—because whatever it is you're worrying or feeling resentful about or regretting happened a week ago—or isn't going to happen until next week.

We've all given a friend some good advice at one time or another, like "Why worry? There's no sense in worrying," right? And we knew it was good advice. However, when we're the ones who are worrying we seldom give ourselves that advice, although we need to. And when we do give ourselves that advice we need to take it. The things we worry about have a tremendous effect on our lives. Let's suppose that two weeks from now something bad might happen. If you spend the two weeks worrying about it, then you've spoiled two weeks of your life—even if it doesn't happen. Why suffer every day for two weeks when you have a choice? And that's the point, isn't it? We do have a choice. We can worry and regret all the time and keep our minds stocked with images of things going wrong. Or we can take control and spend our time imagining positive things. It may seem hard to do at first but practice makes it easier.

Our bodies will know the difference. The body responds to thought in the same way that it responds to events around us. You know the way you can tap someone's knee and it jerks? The body responds as automatically as that. It just responds to whatever you're thinking. So when you think pleasant, unhurried, unworried thoughts, your body will relax and your blood pressure will come down.

There are other methods you can use to quiet the worrying voices in your mind, and using affirmations is one of them. Affirmations are positive phrases that you hear or repeat to yourself over and over again. "I am wonderful," or "I am strong," or "I am beautiful," or "I am going to be successful." You want to try to start replacing the old thoughts with new positive phrases. Words are very, very powerful. And affirmations have a profound, positive, healing effect on the body.

Don't take my word for it—try it and see. See how you feel next time someone is critical of you or you're critical of yourself. And then see how you feel when someone compliments you or you acknowledge yourself, pat yourself on the back, that kind of thing.

It's an easy choice, isn't it? Do you think self-criticism helps you accomplish anything? Nonsense! You've got lots and lots to learn, and you need encouragement, not criticism, to help you learn it.